Funny things related with tech etc.

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goofakos
Δημοσιεύσεις: 494
Εγγραφή: 18 Απρ 2005 00:05
Τοποθεσία: Somewhere between that riff and the other one.

Funny things related with tech etc.

Δημοσίευση από goofakos » 18 Ιούλ 2005 10:47

Things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say

# Uh-oh.....
# Shit!!
# What the hell!?
# Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?)
# That's SOOOOO bizarre.
# Wow!! Look at this.....
# Hey!! The suns don't do this.
# Terminated??!
# What software license?
# Well, it's doing something.....
# Wow....that seemed fast.....
# I got a better job at Lockheed...
# Management says...
# Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted.
# What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
# It didn't do that a minute ago...
# Where's the GUI on this thing?
# Damn, and I just bought that pop...
# Where's the DIR command?
# The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
# I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.
# What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
# Do you smell something?
# What's that grinding sound?
# I have never seen it do *that* before...
# I think it should not be doing that...
# I remember the last time I saw it do that...
# You might as well all go home early today ...
# My leave starts tomorrow.
# Ooops.
# Hmm, maybe if I do this...
# "Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long?"
# Hmmm, curious...
# Well, my files were backed up.
# What do you mean you needed that directory?
# What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
# Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
# Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
# I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
# Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
# We're standardizing on AIX.
# Wonder what this command does?
# What did you say your (l)user name was...? Wink
# You did what to the floppy???
# Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
# NO! Not that button!
# Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
# Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
# [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"
# Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
# YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
# What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
# What's this switch for anyways...?
# Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
# Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
# If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
# Was that your directory?
# System coming down in 0 min....
# The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
# Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
# OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
# The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
# It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a monday afternoon.)
# I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker.
# What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
# I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
# Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
# The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline...)
# Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
# Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
# I hate it when that happens.
# And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?
# Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?
# Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
# You can do this patch with the system up...
# What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
# The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
# Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
# What do mean by "fired"?
# hey, what does mkfs do?
# where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
# ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
# don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
# what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
# dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
# find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
# now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
# Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
# Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
# SMIT makes it all so much easier......
# Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
# I don't care what he says, I'm not having it on my network
# We don't support that. We won't support that.
# ...and after I patched the microcode...
# You've got TECO. What more do you want?
# We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
# Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...]

***********************************************

Cybersex

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: [logged off]

***********************************************

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A LEET HAX0R
by 0rin

7:20am: Elite hax0r wakes up to prepare for another challenging day of 7th grade.
7:25: Elite hax0r signs onto AOL (computer is never turned off)
7:30: Elite hax0r checks new mail for elite hacking progs and warez
7:40: After 10 minutes of chatting in with the folks in leet, elite hax0r's mom takes the telephone off the hook.
7:55: m0m and elite hax0r are having an argument about wasted time online.
8:00: elite hax0r's dad drops him off at Mitnick Middle School
8:05: elite hax0r enters typing class. this is his elite hacking playground, and he loves to confuse the teacher by pressing num lock,
and shouting '3y3 hax0red j00!!!'
9:00: typing class is over, and elite hax0r travels to his history class. No 'puters here, so, he strategically places his copy of 2600
inside his history book and memorizes the 'how to steal stuff' article.
9:30: history teacher catches elite hax0r with the clandestine 2600 and takes it away from him. elite hax0r begins a
heart-wrenching speel about freedom of speech, and his right as a citizen of this country to read his elite 2600 whenever he
pleases. he compares this atrocity to the unjust imprisonment of hax0rs everywhere, and takes comfort in his martyrdom. leet is
definitely hearing about this tonight.
10:05: elite hax0r goes to english.
10:50: elite hax0r goes to lunch period. here, he sits with his class in the cafeteria and takes his usual spot near the lunchlady's
cashregister so he can write down people's lunch numbers. This comes in handy, as they could possibly use their lunch number as
their AOL password. And if not, its always really leet to have even the most insignificant 1nph0z.
11:25: elite hax0r goes to pre algebra. today, he makes the kid in the desk next to him ph33r when he types 1134 on the calculator
and holds it upside down. he wonders if this is similar to hacking an LED sign like in 2600..?
12:15: elite hax0r goes to science class where he learns about the reproductive system. elite hax0r excuses himself from class where
he performs a quick wetware hack.
1:30: elite hax0r gathers his books and stands in front of the school
1:35: elite hax0r is picked up by the small yellow bus with the power lift on the back.
2:00: elite hax0r is dropped off at home, and he rushes inside to sign on and check his mail.
2:30: after 30 minutes online, elite hax0r is forced to sign off and take a nap. Ms. Hax0r cant have her baby getting cranky.
4:45: elite hax0r wakes up, and begins writing his manifesto, which he plans to present to his history teacher tomorrow.
4:47: elite hax0r gets tired of writing and feels like going outside. he and his little brother ride their bikes around in circles in the
carport.
5:15: Ms. Hax0r calls the children inside for dinner.
6:00: hax0r children finish dinner, and elite hax0r asks for permission to get online and hack some stuff.
6:05: elite hax0r battles AOL's perpetual busy signal; its probably just a ploy by AOL to block him from coming online, in ph33r he
might hax0r their network.
7:05: elite hax0r continues to hax0r away at AOL's "busy signal"
7:30: finally, elite hax0r crax0rs the busy signal and sneaks his way inside. He checks his mail for leet progs and tries to enter pr
'leet'. But, in another attempt by AOL to bring him down, the room is full (its really just their $3cur1ty 3xp3rt$ trying to keep him
out).
7:40: elite hax0r finally busts into 'leet' in 137 tries.
he chats with his homies.
8:00: elite hax0r is still chatting with the leets, when Ms. Hax0r picks up the fux0ring telephone and signs him offline.
8:35: after 20 minutes of crax0ring the "busy signal", in an angered retalliation attempt, elite hax0r steals mom's credit cards and
scrolls them in 'leet' and 'phreak'.
9:00: elite hax0r finally finishes scrolling, and takes some time to work on his webpage;
http://members.aol.com/Leethax0r/index.html. Here, he posts his new hax0r's manifesto, and lists $houtoutZ to his homies in 'leet'
and 'punt', and his main chix0r Annie.
10:00: after an hour of figuring out how to use the AOL webpage software, he grows tired of all this brain work, and signs offline.
10:25: leet hax0r brushes his teeth,puts on his kevin mitnick pajamas, and goes to sleep.
11:00: leet hax0r dreams that he is Dade Murphy, and that he is having wild sex0r with Acid Burn, while hacking the FBI's Main
Gibson.

**********************************************

Drug Dealers VS Software Developers


Refer to their clients
as "users"

Refer to their clients
as users


"The first one's free!"

"Download a free
trial version..."


Have important South-East
Asian connections
(to help move the stuff)

Have important South-East
Asian connections
(to help debug the code)


Strange jargon:
"Stick," "Rock,"
"Dime bag," "E"

Strange jargon:
"SCSI," "RTFM,"
"Java," "ISDN"


Realize that there's
tons of cash in the
14- to 25-year-old
market

Realize that there's
tons of cash in the
14- to 25-year-old
market


Job is assisted by the
industry's producing
newer, more potent mixes

Job is assisted by the
industry's producing
newer, faster machines


Often seen in the company
of pimps and hustlers

Often seen in the company
of marketing people and venture capitalists


Their product causes
unhealthy addictions

DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 'Nuff said.

Do your job well, and
you can sleep with
movie stars who
depend on you

Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

Source: PacketStormSecurity
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

Άβαταρ μέλους
SNiF_SNiF_GRL
Δημοσιεύσεις: 10
Εγγραφή: 20 Ιουν 2005 15:44

Funny things related with tech etc.

Δημοσίευση από SNiF_SNiF_GRL » 18 Ιούλ 2005 18:01

goofakos έγραψε:Things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say

# Uh-oh.....
# Shit!!
# What the hell!?
# Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?)
# That's SOOOOO bizarre.
# Wow!! Look at this.....
# Hey!! The suns don't do this.
# Terminated??!
# What software license?
# Well, it's doing something.....
# Wow....that seemed fast.....
# I got a better job at Lockheed...
# Management says...
# Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted.
# What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
# It didn't do that a minute ago...
# Where's the GUI on this thing?
# Damn, and I just bought that pop...
# Where's the DIR command?
# The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
# I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.
# What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
# Do you smell something?
# What's that grinding sound?
# I have never seen it do *that* before...
# I think it should not be doing that...
# I remember the last time I saw it do that...
# You might as well all go home early today ...
# My leave starts tomorrow.
# Ooops.
# Hmm, maybe if I do this...
# "Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long?"
# Hmmm, curious...
# Well, my files were backed up.
# What do you mean you needed that directory?
# What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
# Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
# Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
# I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
# Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
# We're standardizing on AIX.
# Wonder what this command does?
# What did you say your (l)user name was...? Wink
# You did what to the floppy???
# Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
# NO! Not that button!
# Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
# Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
# [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"
# Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
# YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
# What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
# What's this switch for anyways...?
# Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
# Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
# If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
# Was that your directory?
# System coming down in 0 min....
# The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
# Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
# OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
# The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
# It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a monday afternoon.)
# I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker.
# What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
# I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
# Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
# The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline...)
# Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
# Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
# I hate it when that happens.
# And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?
# Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?
# Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
# You can do this patch with the system up...
# What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
# The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
# Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
# What do mean by "fired"?
# hey, what does mkfs do?
# where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
# ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
# don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
# what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
# dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
# find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
# now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
# Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
# Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
# SMIT makes it all so much easier......
# Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
# I don't care what he says, I'm not having it on my network
# We don't support that. We won't support that.
# ...and after I patched the microcode...
# You've got TECO. What more do you want?
# We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
# Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...]

***********************************************

Cybersex

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: [logged off]

***********************************************

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A LEET HAX0R
by 0rin

7:20am: Elite hax0r wakes up to prepare for another challenging day of 7th grade.
7:25: Elite hax0r signs onto AOL (computer is never turned off)
7:30: Elite hax0r checks new mail for elite hacking progs and warez
7:40: After 10 minutes of chatting in with the folks in leet, elite hax0r's mom takes the telephone off the hook.
7:55: m0m and elite hax0r are having an argument about wasted time online.
8:00: elite hax0r's dad drops him off at Mitnick Middle School
8:05: elite hax0r enters typing class. this is his elite hacking playground, and he loves to confuse the teacher by pressing num lock,
and shouting '3y3 hax0red j00!!!'
9:00: typing class is over, and elite hax0r travels to his history class. No 'puters here, so, he strategically places his copy of 2600
inside his history book and memorizes the 'how to steal stuff' article.
9:30: history teacher catches elite hax0r with the clandestine 2600 and takes it away from him. elite hax0r begins a
heart-wrenching speel about freedom of speech, and his right as a citizen of this country to read his elite 2600 whenever he
pleases. he compares this atrocity to the unjust imprisonment of hax0rs everywhere, and takes comfort in his martyrdom. leet is
definitely hearing about this tonight.
10:05: elite hax0r goes to english.
10:50: elite hax0r goes to lunch period. here, he sits with his class in the cafeteria and takes his usual spot near the lunchlady's
cashregister so he can write down people's lunch numbers. This comes in handy, as they could possibly use their lunch number as
their AOL password. And if not, its always really leet to have even the most insignificant 1nph0z.
11:25: elite hax0r goes to pre algebra. today, he makes the kid in the desk next to him ph33r when he types 1134 on the calculator
and holds it upside down. he wonders if this is similar to hacking an LED sign like in 2600..?
12:15: elite hax0r goes to science class where he learns about the reproductive system. elite hax0r excuses himself from class where
he performs a quick wetware hack.
1:30: elite hax0r gathers his books and stands in front of the school
1:35: elite hax0r is picked up by the small yellow bus with the power lift on the back.
2:00: elite hax0r is dropped off at home, and he rushes inside to sign on and check his mail.
2:30: after 30 minutes online, elite hax0r is forced to sign off and take a nap. Ms. Hax0r cant have her baby getting cranky.
4:45: elite hax0r wakes up, and begins writing his manifesto, which he plans to present to his history teacher tomorrow.
4:47: elite hax0r gets tired of writing and feels like going outside. he and his little brother ride their bikes around in circles in the
carport.
5:15: Ms. Hax0r calls the children inside for dinner.
6:00: hax0r children finish dinner, and elite hax0r asks for permission to get online and hack some stuff.
6:05: elite hax0r battles AOL's perpetual busy signal; its probably just a ploy by AOL to block him from coming online, in ph33r he
might hax0r their network.
7:05: elite hax0r continues to hax0r away at AOL's "busy signal"
7:30: finally, elite hax0r crax0rs the busy signal and sneaks his way inside. He checks his mail for leet progs and tries to enter pr
'leet'. But, in another attempt by AOL to bring him down, the room is full (its really just their $3cur1ty 3xp3rt$ trying to keep him
out).
7:40: elite hax0r finally busts into 'leet' in 137 tries.
he chats with his homies.
8:00: elite hax0r is still chatting with the leets, when Ms. Hax0r picks up the fux0ring telephone and signs him offline.
8:35: after 20 minutes of crax0ring the "busy signal", in an angered retalliation attempt, elite hax0r steals mom's credit cards and
scrolls them in 'leet' and 'phreak'.
9:00: elite hax0r finally finishes scrolling, and takes some time to work on his webpage;
http://members.aol.com/Leethax0r/index.html. Here, he posts his new hax0r's manifesto, and lists $houtoutZ to his homies in 'leet'
and 'punt', and his main chix0r Annie.
10:00: after an hour of figuring out how to use the AOL webpage software, he grows tired of all this brain work, and signs offline.
10:25: leet hax0r brushes his teeth,puts on his kevin mitnick pajamas, and goes to sleep.
11:00: leet hax0r dreams that he is Dade Murphy, and that he is having wild sex0r with Acid Burn, while hacking the FBI's Main
Gibson.

**********************************************

Drug Dealers VS Software Developers


Refer to their clients
as "users"

Refer to their clients
as users


"The first one's free!"

"Download a free
trial version..."


Have important South-East
Asian connections
(to help move the stuff)

Have important South-East
Asian connections
(to help debug the code)


Strange jargon:
"Stick," "Rock,"
"Dime bag," "E"

Strange jargon:
"SCSI," "RTFM,"
"Java," "ISDN"


Realize that there's
tons of cash in the
14- to 25-year-old
market

Realize that there's
tons of cash in the
14- to 25-year-old
market


Job is assisted by the
industry's producing
newer, more potent mixes

Job is assisted by the
industry's producing
newer, faster machines


Often seen in the company
of pimps and hustlers

Often seen in the company
of marketing people and venture capitalists


Their product causes
unhealthy addictions

DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 'Nuff said.

Do your job well, and
you can sleep with
movie stars who
depend on you

Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

Source: PacketStormSecurity


hehe tuto e3anathkiavasa to je en pezete

Άβαταρ μέλους
ledraweb
Honorary Member
Δημοσιεύσεις: 1356
Εγγραφή: 13 Νοέμ 2004 11:00
Τοποθεσία: Λευκωσία

Funny things related with tech etc.

Δημοσίευση από ledraweb » 18 Ιούλ 2005 21:06

goofakos, είπες να γράψεις και έγραψες... :lol:
None Of Us Is As Smart As All Of Us!!!

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