Brilliant letter to a bank

Ας χαλαρώσουμε και λίγο... Aς κουτσομπολέψουμε μια σταλιά, ας πούμε και κανένα ανέκδοτο!

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KGP
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Brilliant letter to a bank

Δημοσίευση από KGP » 02 Ιουν 2007 02:00

Brilliant letter to a bank

A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager
Thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times.




Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I
endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between
his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the
Funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic
Monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has
been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for
seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my
account �30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your
bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls
and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will
therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at
your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an
employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to
complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as
much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/
her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must
be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to
access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
press buttons as follows:

1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a
later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through
8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then
be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman!!)
*Στην Ελλάδα δεν χρειάζεται να σκέφτεσαι...χάνεις πολύτιμο χρόνο!
*"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it." -George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
*The purpose of argument should not be victory, but progress.

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Ria
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Εγγραφή: 01 Απρ 2006 23:28
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Brilliant letter to a bank

Δημοσίευση από Ria » 02 Ιουν 2007 02:07

Σωστή η γιαγιάκαααααααααα!!!! :wink:

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cdhyper
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Brilliant letter to a bank

Δημοσίευση από cdhyper » 02 Ιουν 2007 22:15

Με τη θεμελιώδη διαφορά ότι τα "mortgage and loan payments" δεν τα φόρτωσε υποχρεωτικά η τράπεζα στη γιαγιάκα. Από τη στιγμή που η γιαγιάκα τα είχε ανάγκη, η τράπεζα βάζει τους όρους της. Δεν γίνεται να βάλει εκείνη τους δικούς της. Δηλ. αν η γιαγιάκα είχε έναν φούρνο και έβγαζε ψωμιά θα της άρεσε οι πελάτες να της ζητάνε να φτιάξει ψωμί με τη δική τους συνταγή;
Σύγκριση τιμών Supermarket: http://www.shopnsave.gr
Νέα Ιταλικα επιπλα κουζινας
Για φιλοσόφους: http://filosofia.gr και http://liantinis.org

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georgemakaronis
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Brilliant letter to a bank

Δημοσίευση από georgemakaronis » 03 Ιουν 2007 06:56

έξυπνη γιαγια
Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those the art of living well.
Aristotle

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